Be kind to our parents

Haroon Mosque Khutbah
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                                                          Friday  January 28^th. 2011

Brothers and Sisters, 

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 وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا

Surah An-Nisa 4:36 Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful.

The Command to be dutiful and good to our parents comes directly after the command to submit to Allah and worship Him alone.  Then Allah Command us to be good to relatives, orphans, the needy, neighbors and friends, and wayfarer respectively.  We are not supposed to be stingy with them or not taking good care of them.

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Surah Al-Isra 17:23-24.

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا

Surah Al-Isra 23. And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

Surah Al-Isra 24: And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small." 

Once our parents reached old age, we have to communicate with them respectfully.  Be courteous with them and avoid all harsh and hard words or words of disrespect.  Imam Bukhari and Muslim reported that Abdullah Ibn-Masud asked the Prophet Muhammad (Sal.) "Which action is most favorite for Allah the Almighty?" He (Sal.) answered, "Performing the Salat (or offering Prayers) in time." He asked, "Thereafter?" He (Sal.) said, "Good treatment to parents." He submitted, "Then which next?" He (Sal.) then said, "Al-Jihad or struggling in the way of Allah."  The Prophet (Sal.) also said that to take good care of the parents is as good as jihad. 

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۖ وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۚ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

Surah Al-Ankabut 29:8 And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

There are times when parents force their sons or daughters to worship others besides Allah.  They still have to behave nicely to their parents but they do not have to set rivals to Allah as their parents suggested.  Especially, when they reached old age, to serve them kindly is a path to paradise on the day of judgement.   Imam Muslim reported that the Prophet (Sal.) said, " May he be humiliated, (He said this three times), who found his parents, one or both, in old age, but did not enter paradise, (by serving them)."  

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And be kind to our parents is a must even if they are disbelievers.   Imam Bukhari and Muslim reported that Asma', daughter of Abu-Bakr said, "My mother came to Medina from Mecca to see me, while she was still a disbeliever. She had come to demand something from me. I inquired the Prophet (Sal.), "My mother has come to see me and she is expecting, something from me. May I oblige her?" He said, "Yes. Be kind to your mother."
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Imam Bukhari and Muslim reported that Prophet (Sal) said, "cursing one’s parents is a major sin." The companions said, "O Messenger of Allah! Could a person curse his own parents? He answered, "Yes, if he curses another persons father, which would make a person in retaliation curse his father.”

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The right of the parents after their death is to supplicate for Allah’s forgiveness for them and fulfilling their wills. We should also keep good relations with our parents’ blood relatives and to be benevolent towards their friends.